So what's happened to us?

I know it has been such a long time since we've blogged, so we wanted to give an update to where we've landed.

As you may know from earlier blogs, we left PY in February trusting that God would lead us where He wanted us.  After several closed doors in different cities, we find ourselves back in KY where the chirping birds sound like home, the sweet bluegrass smells like home, and the friendly, loving smiles from friends look like home.  We are thankful that God has brought us back here.

But it hasn't been easy. 

We are still struggling with unanswered questions.  What was the purpose of our short time in PY and why did it not work out for us?  Was there something wrong with us?  Why did God take us to TX to learn Spanish and then not use it longer than 7 months?  What is life supposed to look like when you find yourself in the same place you left, but you are no longer the same person?

Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  This verse speaks directly to where my family is, and I think, in practice, challenges our faith.  While I'm busy planning, God is busy working.  Sometimes (or often, if I'm honest) my plans don't coincide with God's work.  So when what I want doesn't work out, what is my response?  Will I respond in faith, trusting God's purpose?  Or will I respond in the flesh becoming fearful, angry, and argumentative?

If God's purpose is what prevails then my faith is challenged to believe that purpose is best and full of His goodness for my life.  But I am finding walking by faith to be hard.  I understand the complaining, fearful, belly-aching, Israelites a little better now.  I used to think, 'how foolish of them to see God's deliverance from Egypt only to whine later about meat and water. How silly of them.'  But I get it now and I can see better my own complaining, fearful, belly-aching self.  Choosing to respond with faith to a purpose you didn't see coming and couldn't prepare for, is hard.

Oh, how I cherish His grace and unconditional love for me.  Maybe that is the point.  The more I see of my incapability, sin, and weaknesses, the more I see "I can do nothing apart from him."  Nothing!

But...

I don't have to EVER do anything apart from Him.  For that same verse (JN. 15:5)  makes it very clear that, although nothing is an option, "bearing much fruit," is also an option because He will remain in me.  I am never alone.

I realize that my thoughts are rambling.  I apologize.  But that is how my thoughts are firing.  Like fireworks that come in quick, bright flashes, leaving only a smoky haze of confusion behind.  I don't know what God's purpose was in all of it, and I can't articulate well, what I think He is still doing, but I can respond in faith.

Like in Hebrews chapter 11 when it begins with the history of each person's life.  "By faith...."  I want my to begin the same.  "By faith Holly Larrabee knowing that there are people in the world without access to the gospel, left Lawrenceburg KY, to be a missionary.  Selling her possessions and packing up her family, she traveled to the tip of TX to study Spanish.  When the time came she packed up her family again and flew to a strange, beautiful land where God tested her.  Later when God told her to leave Paraguay and the friends she had made there, she packed up her home and family and followed God even though she didn't know why."

In essence..."By faith when God spoke to Holly, she obeyed."

Oh, how I want to respond with faith to that which I hope for and yet do not see.  (Heb. 11:1)

He hears us when we pray

In the last, quite a long time ago, blog, I asked you to pray for lots of things.

Short version:  Praise God; 

he did amazing things in answer to your prayers.  

Long version:  Yard sale was a success.  All of our big items sold, and as the day progressed, the tables emptied of even our little things. 

The day we were flying out is an adventure to share.  (My thoughts are in italics.)

I woke up early Wednesday morning pumping prayers heavenward with each heart beat.  God, give the vet grace to write the letter, in fact make the vet be there, help us to get our paperwork back from immigrations, get the puppies on the plane, protect them through the flight, sustain us as we take on being awake for the next 40 hours, give us good attitudes, put a nice person at the airport to check in all of our totes, help our stuff to arrive safely, put a nice person at customs, don't let us blow out a tire on the way to the airport, help me to remember everything...

Soon after breakfast, Pedro (SIM's office helper), myself, Rebekah, Gabby, Pilot, and Rinty (the two puppies), loaded up in our teammate's truck to retrieve one last letter from the vet that the airline required for the puppies' travel. 

Upon arriving at the vet's office, we were told that the vet would not write the letter because he disagreed with the wording. We suggested different wording, but he wouldn't budge. Leaving without the letter meant more prayers.  God stop the tears.  I don't have time for them now.  Show me what to do. 

On the drive back to the guesthouse Pedro suggested a different vet; one that he knew.  Key words:  he knew.  We stopped at her office to inquire.  She agreed that the letter was unnecessary, but was willing to type it and put her stamp on it.  Awesome!

"Come back at 4:00,"  she said.  Not awesome :[

"We are flying today and actually need the letter now."  My direct words went against everything I had learned about the indirect, laid back Paraguayan culture.  God, please don't let me ruin the Christian witness in my frustration.  You are the God of details; you can do this. Help me to trust you.

"Okay.  Come back in fifteen minutes." 

Awesome and I'm sorry that I insulted you.

Our group returned to the guesthouse to load up the dogs' crates for our next trip.  The shipper needed to measure and weigh the dogs inside their crates.   After changing vehicles to have a larger trunk, we realized that the trunk didn't actually open. 

One day I'm going to write about this very stressful day and this part is going to be funny.  It is not funny now, but it will be later.

We crammed the crate inside the back seat, returned to the vet for the letter, then drove towards the airport. 

Thirty minutes later Pedro leaned forward glancing out my window.  "I think I missed our right turn."  He pulled half-way off the road, put the car in reverse, and began backing up on the side of the highway.  I had to laugh, only in Paraguay would we not get pulled over for such a stunt.

With all the documents handed over to the shipper, we returned to the guesthouse for lunch.  Thank-you God for getting the paperwork completed with the puppies and for the laugh at driving backwards this morning.  Next is immigrations.  Put all of our documents in the right place.  Give me strength, I'm tired.

At immigrations our paperwork was carefully divided and put into a neat pile.  Thank-you God!

I spent the remaining four hours packing, discussing financial details with the accountant, and psyching myself  up to say good-bye to our dearly loved Paraguayan family. 

And praise God the rest of the story is very boring.  The puppies, our totes, and ourselves arrived without any problems in Arizona.  We have spent the last couple weeks enjoying the cooler weather, great water pressure, and ice cream...every night. 

Thank-you for praying.  

God hears every one of them.

Please keep praying for...

-documents for Darin's motorcycle to be completed for shipping.

-the ability to process in a healthy manner all that we've experienced in this last year.

-tender hearts so that we can respond to the coming change like clay, trusting God's goodness.

-wisdom as we seek God's direction about what job to do and where to do it.

Pray

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  

With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints"  Eph 6:18.

We have some challenging days ahead of us; we need your prayers. 

Please pray for...

-yard sale items to sell, specifically our stove and freezer (these are the last two big items)

-immigration paperwork to be returned to us so we can have in hand our original birth certificates and marriage license.

-documents for our dogs to travel to be completed by Tuesday.

-documents for Darin's motorcycle to be completed for shipping.

-us to finish well. That means strength to make it through the last details of leaving (packing, documents, etc.) and also to have a Christ-like attitude even in the stress.

-the ability to process in a healthy manner all that we've experienced in this last year. 

-tender hearts so that we can respond to the coming change like clay, trusting God's goodness.

-wisdom as we seek God's direction about what job to do and where to do it.

-comfort, as saying good-bye will be hard.

-safety.  We will be flying our of Paraguay in one week, Thursday Feb 12th.

Saying Good-bye

What a difficult thing to do, say good-bye.  

This is our last Sunday with our Paraguayan church family.

The owners of our house and our friends.

This was a very hard good-bye for me.  Vivi came to our house three times a week to help with language and cooking.  She always came with joy in her heart and a smile on her face.  She listened attentively as I stumbled through expressing my thoughts in Spanish and she worked very hard to help us. She is a friend that I will miss.


I praise God for the hope of eternity; forever and ever to spend time with our dear brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Awesome opportunity

We had the opportunity to visit a Jesuit ruin that was begun by a priest who also had an interest in space.  He built a telescope using quartz rocks for lenses and wrote a book that predicted the sun and moon's rising and setting times for a century.   This book was later used by the military to plan attacks.  I thought it was pretty cool that God's creation reveals such order that a man could predict sunset times in a hundred years.



Today at the ruins is a small planetarium, an interesting video presentation about the Guarani people's history of the stars, and a large, metal constellation guide.  

This is the metal constellation guide.  If you line up where you are, the time, and season, it shows you which constellations are visible to you.

Gabby and I having fun.

We are inspecting the second story of the Jesuit Mission school, standing on original wood.

Curves in the Road

So you spend three years raising your full missionary support, sell most of your possessions—except what fits into 20 Rubber-maid totes, and leave the country to serve God.  Upon arriving on the field, of course you think, “This is it.  I’ve finally arrived at the end of my journey.  I can begin to invest again.”

Well, a wise man once told me, “What you see as the end of the road, from God’s perspective is really just a curve.”  

We’ve hit our curve.  We arrived in Paraguay seven months ago after a five month stint of language study in Texas.  Our plan upon arrival:  stay here for several years, planting a church, sharing the gospel, being awesome missionaries.  But then the curve came into view.  As the months passed we began to see the damaging long-term effects of stress in our kids (9,11,& 13) and ourselves.  They tried to cope with the numerous changes and constant uncertainty, but the stress leaked out in outbursts of anger, apathy, and bitterness.  For my husband and I the stress was slowly pulling us into a pit of despair.  We couldn’t seem to get our traction; we couldn’t seem to get in front of the chaos to make life manageable.  It felt like grasping water in our hands.  The changes, the stress, the adjustments continued to suck our resources until one day, we realized we were empty, and we needed help.

Oh the guilt of that realization.  After only seven months on the field, and we needed to return to the States.  We weren’t the missionaries we thought we’d be, and we wouldn’t be able to do the things we thought we would do.  After working so hard to get to Paraguay, we were leaving after only seven months.

As I pack our bags, I realize that there is a blessing in the curve.  At just the right moment as the car turns, you can look back and see where you’ve been.  We are not the same family that left the States.  We are different.  I can see it in the shades my daughter chooses when she colors.  Here in PY, bright pink, red, and blue houses dot the countryside, and now those shades brighten my daughter’s coloring book.  I can see it in the stories my youngest writes as she includes the sounds of the Guarani language in her character’s words.  I can see it in my oldest when he plays with our friends’ babies and tries to make them smile.  I can see it in myself when I walk into a store and greet the cash register attendant.  And I can see it in my husband when he cruises down the bumpy, dirt roads leaving swirling dust in his tracks, with his lips curling slightly at the fun.

We are different and that is good.   We will all look upon a foreigner with compassion, because we know what it is like to be confused by the language and customs of a different culture.  We will all understand what it means to not have enough water, to sit in the muggy, humid heat while the electricity takes a break, and to eat bug-filled popcorn because we really want a taste of home.

You see, I’ve realized that a curve in the road isn’t bad.  It just means, we’re still Not Yet Home.