I know it has been such a long time since we've blogged, so we wanted to give an update to where we've landed.
As you may know from earlier blogs, we left PY in February trusting that God would lead us where He wanted us. After several closed doors in different cities, we find ourselves back in KY where the chirping birds sound like home, the sweet bluegrass smells like home, and the friendly, loving smiles from friends look like home. We are thankful that God has brought us back here.
But it hasn't been easy.
We are still struggling with unanswered questions. What was the purpose of our short time in PY and why did it not work out for us? Was there something wrong with us? Why did God take us to TX to learn Spanish and then not use it longer than 7 months? What is life supposed to look like when you find yourself in the same place you left, but you are no longer the same person?
Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." This verse speaks directly to where my family is, and I think, in practice, challenges our faith. While I'm busy planning, God is busy working. Sometimes (or often, if I'm honest) my plans don't coincide with God's work. So when what I want doesn't work out, what is my response? Will I respond in faith, trusting God's purpose? Or will I respond in the flesh becoming fearful, angry, and argumentative?
If God's purpose is what prevails then my faith is challenged to believe that purpose is best and full of His goodness for my life. But I am finding walking by faith to be hard. I understand the complaining, fearful, belly-aching, Israelites a little better now. I used to think, 'how foolish of them to see God's deliverance from Egypt only to whine later about meat and water. How silly of them.' But I get it now and I can see better my own complaining, fearful, belly-aching self. Choosing to respond with faith to a purpose you didn't see coming and couldn't prepare for, is hard.
Oh, how I cherish His grace and unconditional love for me. Maybe that is the point. The more I see of my incapability, sin, and weaknesses, the more I see "I can do nothing apart from him." Nothing!
But...
I don't have to EVER do anything apart from Him. For that same verse (JN. 15:5) makes it very clear that, although nothing is an option, "bearing much fruit," is also an option because He will remain in me. I am never alone.
I realize that my thoughts are rambling. I apologize. But that is how my thoughts are firing. Like fireworks that come in quick, bright flashes, leaving only a smoky haze of confusion behind. I don't know what God's purpose was in all of it, and I can't articulate well, what I think He is still doing, but I can respond in faith.
Like in Hebrews chapter 11 when it begins with the history of each person's life. "By faith...." I want my to begin the same. "By faith Holly Larrabee knowing that there are people in the world without access to the gospel, left Lawrenceburg KY, to be a missionary. Selling her possessions and packing up her family, she traveled to the tip of TX to study Spanish. When the time came she packed up her family again and flew to a strange, beautiful land where God tested her. Later when God told her to leave Paraguay and the friends she had made there, she packed up her home and family and followed God even though she didn't know why."
In essence..."By faith when God spoke to Holly, she obeyed."
Oh, how I want to respond with faith to that which I hope for and yet do not see. (Heb. 11:1)
